Entry 84 (Season 13)

To be Seen and Known

Oh goodness, it took me long enough, but I have finally finished the embroidery on my new red cloak, dear reader, and I have set my mind to wear it the next time I go into the village for market day. You may wonder why now, after wavering nearly the whole autumn long… well, I think I have finally been able to take little Luna’s lesson to heart. I want to be seen, as I am.

I haven’t been able to spend much time with Lorenz this season, not with him helping Alexander prepare for the important exam in Alvena this coming summer. A small part of me is glad for the space. I have been all nerves whenever I am near him now that I recognize my feelings, but I feel the loneliness too. Exploring the Well of the Green Sister with the baron’s son and his tutor has become so much a part of my days; I miss my forest companions, and… well, I especially miss Lorenz… his beguiling grin and quiet humming…

But this week my friends were able to take some time away from studying, and we examined more of the scrolls in the chamber with the large magic mirror. Up until this point none of us could make any sense of the markings or strange language written upon them. With scroll after scroll revealing nothing new, I was beginning to grow frustrated. Alexander carefully put one away and unfurled another. A little way in, past some of the looping script, was an illustration of a person. To my astonishment I understood it perfectly! Flowing lines covered and crisscrossed the body like streams, and after weeks of studying with Dorothy, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this drawing was depicting the flow of energy; it was showing how one used healing magic. I rose with a start, thrilled by my sudden understanding, but then stopped. Both my companions pressed me to explain, but I realized if I did… I would have to explain that I did indeed know healing magic, and would then have to explain where I had learned the lost art… and Alexander did not yet know Dorothy… I shook my head and said “It was nothing. I made a mistake”, but oh dear reader, I felt awful. I don’t like keeping so many secrets from Alexander; nevertheless, the secret was not mine to tell. I wondered if the forest would bring Dorothy and Alexander together someday…

I’ve long suspected that Greenwood has an awareness, a mind of its own. It shares its secrets in its own time with those willing to seek them out. And as we made our way back through the hollow tree, fully prepared to finish our day in the forest, what should the three of us spy but smoke over the tree tops! Alexander looked back at Lorenz, who gave me the tiniest wink, and invited his student to lead the way. It was not long before we were all standing before Dorothy’s old stone cottage.

She was in the doorway, her pointed hat atop her head and Tibbs nestled in her arms. She stated “I thought I might have some visitors. The wind has been blowing from your direction for about an hour now and the crows kept tapping on my window.” I smiled as she stood aside, opening her home. Alexander glanced back at us, nervousness turning to confident curiosity, and he bowed to the old witch before walking inside. I made to follow, but Dorothy said she thought this conversation was meant just for the young man.

Lorenz and I leaned against the trees as the blue sky paled to soft cream and lavender. Once the door was closed, he gave me a serious look. “Is everything alright? You seemed upset earlier.” Goodness, his face looked so troubled! I quickly explained, about what I had realized with the scroll and the drawing of healing magic, about why I hadn’t shared it, and why it all seemed to have worked out now. I gave a little laugh. Alexander would know about Dorothy now. “I’m glad all’s well,” he sighed, “I was worried… I don’t know. I thought perhaps I had done something to offend you. I couldn’t abide that.” I looked at him in surprise; he had been worried for me! “Oh! No, Lorenz, you’re wonderful!” I exclaimed, and then hearing my own words, oh goodness, blushed so deeply, and I quickly tried to add that what I meant to say was that he was always so polite, and such a gentleman, and well… that he was a very good friend… one of the best I’d ever had… He sighed after a long pause. “Miss Sonya, I value your friendship as one of my greatest treasures… I—” But the door opened, cutting off his words as the witch and young man stepped outside.

The sun had nearly faded by that hour, so we bid Dorothy farewell and made our way back to the forest’s edge. I was curious to know what Alexander and Dorothy had discussed, but he only smiled and said “I think I’ll keep that a secret for now.” Fair enough, I thought. Though I think someday all the secrets will be out… even my own… Dear reader, it touched my heart to see how Lorenz cared for me and my wellbeing today. He has always been a good and kind friend, but seeing the grief in his face when he thought he might have hurt me... Well, it seems silly, but somehow it gave me the confidence to finish this red hood and to even be seen wearing it! I’ve been so nervous of what others might think, of what Lorenz might think. Now I realize I want to know what he thinks, to let him “see me as I am”. Goodness… it’s not just about the cloak… I want to let him know how I feel, because I do think he’s wonderful… even if he doesn’t feel the same way for me.

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